Aunt Sue

I always assumed I would have children of my own. As a single, 39 year old woman, it's looking quite doubtful that this dream will ever come to fruition. Yes, at times, it makes me very, very sad. I have grieved this loss in my life and I'm sure I will continue to grieve it at times in the future.

But one thing that gives me deep joy is my ability to be an aunt to my 7 nieces and nephews. Tonight I had Ryan (17), Kayla (15), and Bryce (12) over for pizza and games. We always have fun and tonight as we played "Trouble," there was screaming, jumping up and down, yelling, and just plain fun. It was crazy to see these "older" kids get so into a simple board game like "Trouble," yet it was a blast for all of us. The kids are also so good to me -- they helped me load up my trunk tonight to get ready for my 5 week road trip tomorrow -- no complaints, no problem. Kayla took down my laundry out on the clothesline; Ryan helped me put my bicycle down in my basement; Bryce ran my spare key down the block to my friends. They are good kids and I appreciate the fun relationship we have.


I'm looking forward to the coming week when I'll see my other 4 nieces and nephews who live in Indiana and Kentucky. On Monday, I'm taking Ava (6) and Elena (3) to the Indianapolis Zoo. Next Saturday I'm taking Alison (15) and Trey (8) to Kentucky Kingdom (amusement park). I have my car filled with gifts for all of them and look forward to playing lots more games and laughing lots in the next week.


I'm grateful that I can invest a lot of time in my nieces and nephews. I know this is one blessing of not having children of my own, even though I wish I could have my own children. But as with many things in life, we make the best of what we are given. If I can't have my own children, I'm so grateful that God has blessed me with wonderful nieces and nephews.

What are you doing?

Every so often, people ask me what I'm doing during all of my "free time" during sabbatical. Tonight my sore muscles are reminding me that I don't do enough physical labor in my job as pastor. Since I started sabbatical, I have been working on and off on my back staircase. It has always been an eye sore in the house, but because it is not seen much, I have worked on other projects. Well, sabbatical seemed like the perfect time to work on this -- though I knew nothing about stripping wood, staining, etc. So I did some research, talked to people, talked to folks at Home Depot, got some pamphlets, and got to work.

My good friend, Marlis, always reminds me to take before and after pictures whenever you do home projects. The before picture is one view of my kitchen before I did any work to it.


In the past 18 months, I have re-painted the walls (you can see I was trying to determine which color to put over the ugly pale green paint that was there), got new flooring, got an island for the microwave, replaced the sink, countertops, hardware, new range and fridge. Needless to say, the place looks totally different ... but today, I'm most proud of the steps!


The project isn't totally finished -- I still have to do some touch up painting on the walls around the steps. And there are 4 steps that I'm still not satisfied with yet that I'll work on when I return from my time at AMBS ... but for now, I'm feeling quite proud of my project. After stripping 4 layers of paint (yes, I wore a mask -- I'm sure there was some strong lead paint in there), I'm grateful to see the bare wood with some stain on it.

Successfully silent

I did it! So many people, including myself, never thought I could do a 6-day silent retreat ... but I did. And I'm here to tell you that it was one of the most fantastic experiences of my life!

My retreat took place at St. Mary's by the Sea -- a retreat center owned by the Sisters of St. Joseph . It is right on the beach at Cape May Point, NJ . Although the building isn't air-conditioned and the rooms are like small dorm rooms, it was a wonderful setting. There were about 130 women on silent retreat with me (about 110 of them were Catholic nuns), so in many ways, this made it easier. No one was talking! There were rocking chairs that lined the decks of the retreat center, overlooking the ocean, so one could sit and watch the ocean (and dolphins) for hours. I spent 2-5 hours on the beach each day. There were also hiking trails nearby, bikes we could borrow and ride around the cape, and long walks to take on the beach.

Each day I met with a spiritual director for 35 minutes to discuss how I was experiencing God. The second day of retreat, she encouraged me not to read any books (except the Bible) that day. I told her I'd be bored. She said, "God has enough to say to you that I don't think you'll be bored." I tried it -- and it was unbelievable. I really did have wonderful conversations with God!

With my spiritual director guidance, I dealt with some of my anger at God (mostly in response to my singleness). It felt good to deal with that with God. And I also was able to find some deep peace with God, especially in regards to thinking about my future. I found that as the week went by, I had less and less desire to read the pile of books/magazines I brought from home, and desired more to listen with God and journal. I couldn't believe how connected I felt with God when I tuned out all the other "noise" in my life. And "noise" isn't just talking ... but email, other books, texting, phone, TV, music. It's amazing how quickly we fill our ears/minds with things that prevent us from listening to God.

I realized that God has so much to say to us, if we just listen.

Since coming home, it's been a bit of a culture shock -- but I'm doing well. I don't find myself talking any more or less as a result of my experience, but I do find myself missing the time that I had there. How quickly it is to fall into our old patterns. But, I do find myself each day, stopping and anxiously listening to God. I've stopped doing most of the talking ... God has heard me for 39 years ... now it's time I shut up and listen to God.