Feeling single

Today I feel very "single." Last night I had a really rough meeting and came home in tears. Actually, I didn't come home in tears ... I went to my office at church at just sat in my office chair and cried and then worked for about an hour before I went home. There was nothing to go home to ... no one to help me work through the emotions, no one to just hug me (even if I didn't want to talk about it), no one to just support me. It made me mad ... why do I have to go through this life alone? Why would God not fulfill this prayer/wish/dream/desire of mine? (Believe me I have asked God for this for YEARS!)

Today was ok -- I had breakfast with a very good friend who listened, but then the rest of my day just went on as "professional" as it could be ... and I had no one to help cheer me up. I'm doing ok, but I would love someone to just be a cheerleader for me ... to be my main contact person to know what is going on in my life. I feel like I carry all of this stuff on my own and I can share parts of it with some people, but ultimately, I carry it alone. It get can old and very lonely.

I know that there are parts of being single that I really love -- like tonight, I was so exhausted from everything this week, that I accidentally took a nap from 7:30-9:30pm -- no idea how that happened! But, when I did wake up (even though I was shocked at the time), I didn't feel guilty ... I had no one to care for (children), no one wanting to hang out with me ... I could do my own thing, and that is really nice. But this week, I would have traded all of that in for someone to be my mate -- to love me and for me to love him through life's ups and downs.

How do I stay upbeat and keep enjoying life fully when I have this desire in my life that is unfulfilled ... and yet, I have no desire to be desperate or solely focused on this aspect of my life? I have tried the internet dating, the blind dates, the initiatives ... and yet nothing works. Do you have any ideas?